Awe, I am Thirteen!!!

I waited for the day to be at the threshold of teens and along-with it, had so many aspirations, varied dreams strewn with it and the day arrived and my friends n family wished me good luck to be GA Ga with the early teens.

Till few years back, I was dying to take an entry in the kingdom of teens n today, I have landed, I need to be happy n on top of the world

I am not happy nor sad, there is a mixed feelings. I am confused with myself, my body, my physical experience and can’t control my emotions…Oh…what is happening to me?

If somebody queries me, I get irritated. I can’t stand my mother’s teachings or demands. I feel like she’s been quite preachy.

When I am alone, I feel guilty for not behaving properly with my parents, even with siblings n peer, I am at loggerheads.

Is this the gift of early teens?

I hate myself, God I did not ask you to make me so unruly.

When I see myself in bathroom mirror, I find my innocent face changing, innocence has bade good bye, hair sprouting from all spheres, on the upper lip, face, under the arms , pubic hair…Ohh…I am changing to polar bear…hahaha 😛

This look adds to my miseries, it seems god has showered all his blessings on me in one go.

In my best clothes, I don’t look nice because of hair sprouting from all directions. Within my heart, I chase a dream to look damn smart like models to show off to my friends n gals of my neighbor n school…..Sshhh…hope none listened.

I don’t know…how this feelings have started erupting…if Mom comes to know then I am sure she will pull my ears long n if gals come to know of my new choice, they will brush me off n I would be labelled a nonsense lad.

This 13 is not at all amicable, it’s the trendsetter of problems.

Let me tell you…seriously, I am going off track, losing interest in studies, want to roam hither n thither without any aim, watch movies n gossip with friends n try to draw attention of people especially the beautiful faces…dance in front of mirror…and gosh, even in sleep, I am not comfortable…night falls are becoming a concern.

Till last year, I slept anywhere without any tension and at times, shared bed with my parents n my sister…but now…it’s impossible…I kept the issue in front of my class mates, I don’t know what they were up to..made fun of my questions.

I remember, the family n friends had clapped hard on my birthday…did they make me fool apprehending the situation I am going to tread in.

Wish I could go back in yesteryear’s n enjoy the Bindaas life…without tension of physiological n psychological changes n be myself.

I know, I can’t so I need to adapt to the circumstances n ambled towards my mother’s room with my questions.

I know, she is the one who can solve my issues  n help me to wade through this confused cycle, wherein, at times, I am lost.

“Mamma” I said.

“Yes my child, come here.”

“I need your help, lot of questions n confusion needs to be clarified.” I said and she took me in her arms.

I felt as if she understood my pangs n concern, her face reflected.

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Pic Credits: here

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. Adolescence is such a challenge and a confusing time. You’ve tried to bring out that chaos of thoughts.

    Like

  2. Parul Thakur says:

    13 is tough. You have shared all that confusion so well.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Teenage is such a confusing age! So many changes! Liked the way you have put it all in the post.

    Liked by 1 person

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